Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries

Since I caught up to Jane the Virgin, and now have to wait a WHOLE WEEK to see new episodes, I started watching Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries, and I LOVE IT! I wish I had all of the main character's outfits. The music and costumes are really fun, and all of the main characters are so endearing. The mysteries aren't particularly complicated (it isn't Sherlock), but you aren't really watching for the mystery, you're watching for all of the interactions between your favorite people and the character development. It's also refreshing to have a female protagonist for a change.

Fun, funny, light, dramatic, refreshing.

Jane the Virgin

I LOVE THIS SHOW! 

Ok, that is all.

Edit: Not sure why this picture is ordered the way it is.
Jane, the main character, is on the left.
The guy in the middle is definitely not the main character. Well...he is according to himself, haha!

Birthday Weekend

This past Sunday was Justin's 30th birthday! It really is a birthday weekend! Friday we went to Delicious Thai Kitchen, our favorite Thai place in town. Justin got Pad Thai and I got Tom Kha. Deeeelicious! We then went to The Martian, which was fun. It's like Castaway in space!

Saturday we were lazy, and it was great. Hoosiers narrowly lost to the Buckeyes and we ordered some pizza and watched Mad Max. I'm not really sure I was a fan, in terms of knowing any of the previous movies, but it was still fun to watch something new and eat dough and cheese, haha!

We mostly spent Sunday cleaning. The pigs got a fresh new cage which always makes them happy. We cleaned everything and Justin (being Justin) made his own cake! :) Which was deeeeeeelicious. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. He also made homemade pistachio ice-cream and homemade Indian Ice-cream (almond and cardamommmmm!). Around 6pm his friends came over and we had cake and ice-cream and everyone got to visit the guinea pigs, who were total (excuse the expression) hams. They showed off to everyone! Usually when they get stressed they just stay in their hiding places. But Harvey was standing up on his back legs and cleaning his little face all cute-like, Biscotti was running laps around his cage, and Xabi climbed to the top of his barn, jumped off, ran around to the back and climbed back up. Show offs!

After several people left we played Scotland Yard, which is a fun detective/mastermind game that is great for a party. It was fun to get to visit.

 Birthdays are the best!

 Oh, and also, I got Justin the Back to the Future trilogy, since it is October 2015, afterall. ;)

Great Weekend!

So, despite having a stressful Friday, we had a great weekend.

It was sort of a rough start. We decided to back out of buying the car I SUPER want (my dream car, a Subaru Forester). It was the right decision. There were just too many red flags. Kind of a bummer, but better safe than sorry!

We took Xabi to the vet, and he is a healthy pig! The vet said that he's a little light, and if he loses more weight, she'd be worried, but that he isn't terribly underweight. She also said to not compare the different breeds of pigs (Xabi is Abyssinian, the other two are English). But just in case we need to force feed him, she gave us a nice syringe, so we're at least prepared! We concluded with the vet that it is possibly all of the fighting going on between Harvey and Biscotti that is causing Xabi to not get enough food. I redid the cage (AGAIN), and I think it's a better set-up. For more rambling about guinea pigs, you can visit http://threelittlepigpigpigs.blogspot.com/

Another thing we did is re-pot a plant that my grandma gave me when we first moved here. It was 4 different plants in 1 pot. It looked really nice all together, but recently it has not been doing too well. I had already repotted it to a bigger pot, but we decided to just separate them. It's kind of fun having a bunch of different pots around the apartment. I hope it didn't stress them out too much. It was nice to actually DO something. I mean, we cleaned the apartment up and everything, and I made a little grid shelf system for the pig stuff, but it felt good to do something outside. Even if it was just on the deck.

This is when we first moved. It's really small there! I'll upload the separate pots once I get home and can take pictures. I look forward to the day that I can have a real porch or sunroom for my potted plants! 

Oofta

A lot of stress has built/is building in our lives right now.

First, Justin had an interview at Weber State for a fantastic manager job. (Which he got!!!) But we are sort of still feeling the residual stress of travel and interviewing. Plus, there's a lot to learn for this job.

Second, our Mazda Wagon has had a lot of issues and we are going to take it to the dealership and hope for a good price. We're hoping to do that Friday.

Third, we are renting a car in the meantime, and that can be very expensive. We need to return it Friday.

Fourth, we found a car we want, but we have to take out a car loan and we have some reservations about it. We're going to do that on Friday.

Fifth, Justin's internship ends today and he has a lot of wrapping up to do there.

Sixth, no rest for the wicked, because the semester starts on Monday.

Seventh, our little guinea pig Xabi is rapidly losing weight, so we're taking him to the vet on Friday.

Eighth, there's a LOT of drama going on at my work recently. And it has been dragged out since mid-June.

Ninth, we are moving in 4 months and renting a moving truck is not inexpensive.

Tenth, my ear is still whooshing. It seems to be slightly better, but I dream of the day that I never hear it.


In conclusion, lots of things are going on, on Friday!

Victor Frankenstein

So, as you may know, I don't like horror movies. AT ALL. I am a huge wimp and my brain struggles to disassociate fiction from reality when watching horror movies. I have never understood the appeal of purposefully scaring yourself. I just don't like it.

With that said...I'm super excited about Victor Frankenstein! It looks like it has some humor in it. It probably also helps that I'm familiar with the plot, so nothing will be...TOO much of a surprise? Not sure 'bout that, but still. Just look at the cast: James McAvoy, Daniel Radcliffe, Jessica Brown Findlay, Andrew Scott, Mark Gatiss.

Seahorse

I can't remember if I've posted this song before or not. It's one of my favorite Devendra Banhart songs. My favorite part:

 Well I'm scared of ever being born again,
If it's in this form again ,
   I wanna know how, why, where, and when,
and then, and then...

 I wanna see you be the bright night sky,

I wanna see you come back as the light,

I wanna see you be the bright night sky,

I wanna see you come back as the light.

 

New Libertines Album!

So, I knew that the Libs had a reunion show sometime around 2010, and there were sort of rumors or snippets of news about them working on something, but then recently it has been revealed that they have been recording a new album, which is out soon!!!

See this link for descriptions of the track listing. I kind of don't want a new album, in a way. 2 albums in their hey-day, and nothing more sounds good to me. But I have read that a lot of what is on their new album is recycled old demos or bits and pieces from unfinished Libs songs, so I'm pretty excited about that. It also seems like they aren't trying to desperately re-create their 2003/4 sound. But I think a good balance of old and new will be great. eeeee!

NME Track by Track Review

Recent-ish photo from the studio. It's real!

Spectre

Macbeth

Dehydrator

I'm so excited to use my dehydrator! I'm going crazy on pinterest finding recipes.

https://www.pinterest.com/rakusfrakus/recipes-dehydrator/

Check it out!

I'm also excited because you can do things like dry flowers, make your own potpourri, make cat or dog treats, etc!

25

There is something scary about the age 25. Maybe it is because I feel like, professionally, I still don't really know what I'm doing or what I want to do. Maybe it is because I don't feel 25, I feel 22. Maybe it is because at this age my mom had a house, two kids, a career, and was earning her master's degree, and all of that seems so...grown up. 

And although I suppose I feel more grown up than I did at 22, I guess I just feel like being 19-23 age was a very convenient excuse for not knowing what I wanted to do with my life.

Oh well. Feedly-dee, I'll worry about it a later day. FOR NOW, I'm just going to bask in the glow of my glorious birthday!!!

I don't mean to brag, but, um, I got freaking AWESOME, thoughtful gifts. The entire series of Battlestar Galactica on Blu-Ray from Justin. A thermos (which I sorely needed) and a generous giftcard to my FAVORITE chai place, (which happens to be less than a 5 minute walk from my work and less than a 5 minute drive from my apartment on the other side of town), really cute Calico cat earrings and a generous giftcard from my in-laws, an awesome Ultimate Book of Lighthouses book from my sister and brother-in-law (more on that in a later post about our trip to Wisconsin/Lake Superior), and today I just received a dehydrator from my best friend Kiki!!! I was totally not expecting it and it is something I've wanted for SO LONG! I'm still grinning while posting this.

(Sorry Kiki for interrupting your class! I feel really bad! I was so excited and I didn't even think about how grad classes are in the evening!)

Thank you to everyone for making my birthday amazing. I can't wait until next year, when I'll be celebrating it at home!


EDIT: More ramblings below:
It is very comforting, however, that oddly at 22 the prospect of not having a clue what I wanted to do with my life was so much more stressful than it is now. Maybe that is the stability of marriage, maybe that is my self-confidence, maybe that is from working jobs that gave me experience to feel like even if I'm not doing my dream job, I could still earn enough money to get by. Doesn't matter which it is, I suppose.

I'm just glad that I feel more at peace with the unknown, since moving.  I don't know if I would have felt this kind of calm with not knowing what I'm going to do or where I'm going to end up, if I didn't take the plunge into the unknown with moving to Indiana.

And I know that I wouldn't feel this kind of peace if I weren't married to someone who balances my weaknesses with his strengths and vice a versa.

Follow-Up

With all that said in my previous PT post, I do want to say something else:

I have the most wonderful husband who is supportive, funny, smart, sympathetic, and strives to be his best for me everyday.

I have three cute little guinea pigs that make me giggle everyday and are a testament to our financial progress since moving (we only got them once we could afford for their care, and since we made a blind move to a place without having jobs it took months before we could get pets)

I have an apartment full of things that remind me of our journey and that comfort me because they remind me of home,

I have a family of people (both blood and law relatives)that love me and that I love and respect.

We are financially stable, I have a full time job with a boss that listens to me suggestions.

I have clothing on my back, a roof over my head, and live in a safe environment.

I have not experienced trauma from my whoosh (such as a bomb or gunfire that could damage the ear) and I am not in pain from my whoosh.

I will NOT let this stupid whoosh and that stupid doctor drag me down. I will not let this whoosh out-weigh my happiness, no matter how difficult it can be to ignore it.

PT Update #3.

Last week I finally had my appointment with the ENT. I was nervous but very hopeful and optimistic.

Turns out, hope can be dangerous.

Within seconds of him opening his mouth I knew he wasn't the right doctor. I believe his first words were "There's nothing that can be done." Other excerpts of the "conversation" (I put conversation in quotes because it was basically just him lecturing us) were "Anything you read online is pretty much grasping at straws" and "It isn't very common in people your age but it isn't unheard of. It's just a sign of early onset hearing loss", and "It's really very, very, common. Asking someone if they have tinnitus is like asking if they have a right thumb, it happens to everyone", as well as "It's just something you can't really do anything about so you'll have to learn how to cope with it." and "Sometimes once you actually reach the point of severe hearing loss, hearing aids sometimes help". Also "You probably damaged your ear from hearing a loud noise or listening to loud music."

Um, okay, first I think I would remember if something suddenly "happened" that set off this noise. AND if it was loud music the majority of my generation (and my parent's generations for that matter) would have what I do. It seems to me that HE'S grasping at straws.

Zero bedside manner. Zero awareness that even if he was correct, he was basically saying "You can deal with the endless, distracting, overwhelming, maddening pulsing noise in your ear for the rest of your life or until you go deaf."

When Justin asked about Intercranial Hypertension, something that multiple studies have pointed to for being linked with PT, the doctor pretty much smirked in his face. Not only is Intercranial Hypertension linked to PT, but it is specifically linked to young (check) women (check) who are overweight (check) and on birth control (check). The fact that the doctor dismissed it right away and said it was grasping at straws made it very apparent that he doesn't know the modern research and is not willing to even admit that it could be a possibility. He was just so arrogant and condescending I wanted to punch him.

The other obnoxious thing about this appointment is that he basically exclusively spoke with Justin. As if I wasn't sitting there. I started crying out of anger and frustration. Both of us are taking time off of work and waited weeks for this appointment just for him to tell me what a google search for tinnitus will tell me. Pulsatile Tinnitus IS NOT your run of the mill tinnitus. Yes, everyone experiences tinnitus at times. Yes, tinnitus is very common. But is PULSATILE tinnitus common? How is it that it changes when I bend down or move my neck/head? Why does it lessen if I push on my carotid artery? Why do I sometimes hear that high pitched tinnitus noise AND the pulse at the same time? How is it that I can record the noise with my phone? Why does it seem to change in intensity and pitch? Why does it seem worse when I'm on my period? Does it not seem important that it basically started once I got on birth control and gained weight? It HAS to be vascular.

It made for a really awful couple of  days. Even knowing that not all options have been explored, it is really difficult to hear that kind of reply from a professional. This was supposed to be the next step to figuring out what to do. I feel like it stripped away my resilience. It seemed like when I would hear my whoosh it felt especially loud simply knowing that there would be no relief.

I wish that after his first sentence we just stood up and walked out. Instead we paid a larger co-pay than usual because he's a specialist. I don't think I've ever really had a real, full-on panic attack in my life until seconds from walking out of the building. To think that I would just hear this day in and day out for the rest of my life or until I could no longer hear anything at all was enough to put me over the edge. The callousness and obliviousness he displayed was staggering. His summary write-up told that he advised me on coping methods and that I complained of a ringing noise and had hearing loss. The coping method he told me was to listen to a fan or white noise machine at night. I didn't even bother responding that I already do and have for a long time even before the PT, because I figure it was pointless to talk to him.

Okay, but I had an audiogram and the person who conducted that and the ENT nurse said it was perfectly normal. And it is NOT A RINGING NOISE. Does ANYONE listen at this stupid office?!?

I have slowly started feeling better after 2 weeks and am back to trying to figure it out on my own. I am trying to lose weight and I'm going to go off of birth control to try and see if that helps. Hormones are mighty powerful and I would not be surprised if that is a factor.

All in all, it was a waste of time, money, energy, and felt like a huge step back. I am NEVER going to go to a doctor again before contacting them before hand to make sure that they know the damn difference between tinnitus and PT and aren't going to be a condescending ass to me and my husband.

Happy

Summer light until 9pm, thunderstorms, the optimum apartment layout, weekend day trips, hiking, an unstressed husband, lots of veggies, and increased income makes for a VERY happy Mimi.

PT Update #2

Full blood panel results came back. Everything is normal.

I want to cry.

Pulsatile Tinnitus Update

Bloodwork came back, and everything is normal. I felt discouraged, but it was just a CBC. Maybe I can get more blood tests with different levels of things, like hormones/thyroid levels. We'll see.

Easter Memories

One of my favorite memories of Easter is visiting my Grandma and Grandpa for Easter breakfast. My grandma had a special bunny tea set that she would set out, and we'd have pancakes with deviled eggs, orange juice, chocolate milk (just in case we wanted options!), bacon, and fruit. We would also always get a chocolate bunny and little white socks with beads on them. I miss Sunday mornings and Grandma and Grandpa's house so much. Afterwards we would watch cartoons on the carpet in the living room and I'd probably try to track down their enormous tabby, George. 

My Pulsatile Tinnitus Story

Be prepared to read a crap-ton. That's what this blog is for, anyway. Writing out what I'm thinking and feeling. Before you read this post, I want to clarify that I know that in the big scheme of things I should be grateful for my health and my life. I am. I understand fully that my situation could be a lot worse.

I have pulsatile tinnitus. This means that I can hear a noise in my ears that is to the beat of my heart. For a long time I didn't know what it was that I had. I still don't really know what causes it, but I am glad I know that it has a name and other people experience it too. Many people experience tinnitus, but only 3% of those that do, have pulsatile tinnitus.

The majority of my experience with pulsatile tinnitus has always been in just my left ear. It all started about 3 to 4 years ago. It's hard to pinpoint a time, because it has been a long time and only around 2013 did it worsen. It used to be only occasionally, usually at night. It wouldn't last very long and then it would go away. This is fairly normal for a lot of people, I think. However, for me, it gradually became more and more present. I tried a lot of different things for various amounts of time, including drinking a lot more water, reducing salt, less starch, more protein, stretching exercises, I started going to the gym at that point, tried to improve my posture while at the desk, etc., anything I could think of that could be causing it. I have yet to see any difference with the noise depending on diet. It doesn't hurt to do those things, though.

Instead of hearing it just for a moment, it would start going for a good 10 to 15 minutes. That turned into a half hour to a full hour, to happening from about 6pm until I went to bed, to being in the middle of the day, instead of just at night. 

Fast forward, and it is the noise I hear almost 24 hours of the day. About two months ago I started to hear it in my right ear at the same time. Luckily, this hasn't set in completely, otherwise I think I'd go berserk and you'd be getting blog updates from an insane asylum. 

From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, it is what I hear. It doesn't affect my hearing, but it does affect my focus. It feels like it takes peace out of a lot of situations. This past weekend I felt really happy because the window was open and birds were singing, and the sun was shining through the blinds while I was snuggled under the fluffy comforter. But I can't fully concentrate on the bird noises or fully relax, because there is this constant drumming pulse in my ears.

Sometimes it is sort of a dim background noise. It also isn't very consistent. It will be quiet, then loud, then quiet again within seconds. It can be roaring and I turn my head and it goes back to just whooshing. I'll bend over and it is a constant "whoosh" instead of a beat. The tone can change too. At times it is a mid-range droning whoosh, other times it can be sort of higher pitched and loud. I can't seem to correlate these differences. In addition to that, I can feel the muscles around my right ear tense up when it goes, in a way that my left ear doesn't. There is just a lot that doesn't add up.

It can be disorienting. It feels like when I'm on the phone and someone else in the room starts talking to me. Like two people are talking to me at the same time, but neither can hear each other.

When I'm having a conversation with my husband and he is telling me something important, I sometimes find myself struggling to focus on his words, because it might be an especially bad moment, and they are roaring in my ears.

I'll try to stop whining at his point in order to deliver some of the news that we have found:

I went to a nurse practitioner, who said it might be fluid in my middle ear. She told me to take Claritin D for 10 days. If that doesn't work, try Mucinex. I did this for about a full month, every day. It lessened the whooshing noise, but it never fully went away. I scheduled another appointment with her, which was about 5 minutes long because she just scheduled an appointment with an ENT. I was a little annoyed that I waited a month and a half, took off work, and paid a co-pay just to have a 5 minute "conversation" that consisted of her just writing a name on a business card and sending me to the secretary for the to make an appointment. Okay. I can make an appointment myself. Don't tell me to come back and see you if the problem persists if you are just going to do that.

At the ENT they took a hearing test and tested the pressure in my ears. Everything was normal. I don't have fluid in my middle ear. On one hand, I was relieved I didn't have to get tubes in my ears. On the other, I was discouraged that I still didn't know what it was or how I could stop it.  I was a bit frustrated because within this visit I spoke to 3 different people. All of them referred to the noise as buzzing or humming. I tried to express that it wasn't a constant hum, it was a pulsing beating noise, and no, I don't have ear damage, no, I haven't had a sports injury, no, I don't have sinus problems. Luckily, we did get some progress, in eliminating the possibility of fluid in my middle ear.

The ENT specialist told me to get blood drawn because I might be anemic, which could cause that noise. She also scheduled a CT Angiogram at the hospital for the following week, because it could be a kinked or bent blood vessel in my head or neck that is causing that noise in my left ear (at this point I had never heard it in my right ear).

I had the angiogram and everything was normal. It was the worst good news I had heard. It meant that luckily, I didn't have a tumor or a partially blocked vein in my neck or head, but it also meant that we still didn't know anything. This was a maddening experience because it felt like pulling teeth to get anyone to respond or send me my test results. There has been no follow up from the ENT specialist, despite her seeming to know that if the test results came back normal, that meant that nothing has been solved. It took about 17 phone calls, who knows how many transfers, and many, many answering machines to finally get a human being to talk to. When I did, they told me that they couldn't find my blood work and that it had been lost. Then they told me that I can come in and get a new blood sample, and they won't charge me. Gee, thanks, I appreciate that...?

Oh well, this gives me a change to clarify that I want every possible test result done when they analyze my blood, not just the basics.

In the meantime, my sweet husband has done a lot of research and we are trying out different things. We have found an entire community of people experiencing the never-ending noise. My coworker let me borrow a blood pressure cuff kit she has, and we have found that I tend to have low blood pressure. This is strange, because I was expecting high blood pressure. I also tend to hear it less after drinking tea or coffee. So caffeine/the effects of caffeine, which is vascular, play a role, as well.  So far our top suspects seem to all be related to blood. Justin noticed that a lot of the people on the Whooshers website and community page were women. In digging further, we found that quite a lot of women who have pulsatile tinnitus also are on birth control, specifically the one I am on. We also think my thyroid could be playing a role. Just more reason to have blood test results done.

Another bit of progress I have found, is that on one of the whooshers websites I found that some people can record their whoosh. I found to my amazement that by simply putting my phone mic to my ear and hitting record, I can hear my whoosh! Other people can hear it too! This alone lifted my spirits. It felt like having bad cramps while on your period, and magically being able to make every male in the room experience the hell of cramps, if only for a minute. It felt like being able to say "you don't understand unless you experience it, and for 15 seconds, you can!". Not that I want to spread misery, but it's a relief to be able to explain exactly how it sounds constantly.

We're hoping to find another doctor that will really act as an advocate for me. I know that I am not a high priority. My life isn't in danger and I'm not in physical pain. But when I want to cry because it just won't leave me alone, it's a problem. When I want to punch our neighbors in the face for playing their bass which works in a weird opposite and disorienting beat to my ears, it's a problem. When I want to enjoy the sound of nature, not the sound of my heart whooshing in my ear, it's a problem. When I want to go ballistic and smash things in the doctor's office because they tell me that it's tinnitus, and a lot of people experience it, (in other words, get over it) and that they'll just book an appointment for 8 weeks out, it's a problem. When I feel completely overwhelmed to tears while at work, at the prospect of just having to "deal with it" for the rest of my life, it's a problem.

Thoughts

Goals

So, usually I make a list of resolutions for the new year, and this year I didn't. Not really by deliberate choice or anything, just forgot or didn't care enough to do that. So now, I'd like to make a list. I don't know if making lists ever really help, but it is good for me to at least get it written/typed down somewhere. Here are my goals for 2015/life.

1. Less screen time...as I type this while looking at a screen. I would guess that I look at my work computer screen about 6 out of 7 hours of my work day. Then, I look at my cell phone screen in between that, to check the bus/text/turn on my music, etc. Then, when I get home, what do I do? Usually watch some TV on a screen. Sometimes that ranges from 30 minutes to 2-3 hours. After that, (and sometimes during), I open my laptop. I am embarrassed to say that I can be on my laptop almost non-stop from about 5pm until I go to bed around 11, that is, if I don't get distracted and stay up until the early morning hours.

Needless to say, I think I need to scale back on the screens. I plan on working multiple goals into one, so, that leads me to goal #2-7

2. Better posture. I slump so much. Usually because I'm hunched over my desk at work or slouched on the couch while watching TV, or laying in bed on my laptop. I sit too much. I sit all day at work, then I sit on the bus or in the car, then I sit on the couch. If I could, I'd get a standing desk at work, but how the desk is set up, that isn't possible. So, I want to get up from my desk and go for walks. I want to try to remember to keep my head level instead of looking down so much at my phone or screen, and I want to engage my abs, so my back isn't taking most of the weight.

3. Get on a better sleep schedule. I want to regularly be in bed by 10:30, even if I read until 11, then go to bed, (see next goal). I also want to wake up earlier on the weekends. I love sleeping in, but anything past 11 bums me out. I also really enjoy having a full day with Justin.

4. Read more! I have actually made progress on this goal, which is regularly featured in my New Year's Resolutions posts. I received a Kindle for Christmas, and I've been reading a bunch of David Sedaris books. It's fun! The thing that is nice about the kindle, is that I don't feel it falls into the "screen time" category. It isn't harshly back lit/LED lights, so it doesn't strain my eyes more than reading a book does. Also, I feel like screen time while reading somehow shouldn't count.

5. Make things. I always feel better when I have a project going, and for some reason I always forget that. I want to finish all of my binder projects (Emergency Binder/Guinea Pig Binder/Garden Binder/Memories/Pet Profiles). I'm gonna need more sheet protectors! Not only do I think these are fun, but they are things that in certain cases, like an Emergency, a half-done Emergency Binder probably won't do me any good.

6. Siiiiiiiiiiigh. This is the one that will forever be on my list. Exercise. Hopefully spring will eventually arrive and I'll be able to go for walks on the city trail by my work during my lunch hour. I need to invest in some good exercise shoes. My current ones are old and are currently acting as my every-day shoes, since my slip-on flats aren't great for the snow. If I divert the amount of time I am looking on a screen to exercise/reading more/crafts, I feel that I would make quite a lot of progress with these goals.

7. Cook more/Eat healthy. These sort of go hand-in-hand for the purpose of this goal. I can bake plenty, but that doesn't mean it's always healthy! It will help save money, and I can improve my skills. I can exercise all I want, but without eating better, I won't reach my full potential. I'm already working on this, but I need to stay focused.

8. PURGE! I LOVE this goal. Out of all of these goals, this is the easiest for me. I love purging. I love cleaning out my closet and getting rid of clutter. It just feels so GOOD. And with us moving back to Utah at the end of this year (woohoo!), I'll need to. I might as well start now! Wheeee! And the second part to purging, is to resist accumulating things. It's not enough to purge, I need to make sure I commit to keeping things minimal.

9. Explore More! We are only going to be in Bloomington for 10 more months. That seems like a long time, but it really isn't. I want to make sure we take advantage of our time here. For example, we could drive to Nashville, Tennessee. We could drive to a Cincinnati Reds game if we wanted. We haven't tried all of the Bloomington Restaurants that we want, and we haven't gone on the hikes that we want to, either. I would love to go see a concert at the Jacobs School of Music, which is one of the highest ranked music programs in the nation.

10. Routine changes: I like schedules. I like charts. I like lists. But I still can't quite apply structure very well. That is why I want to start regularly/routinely doing my laundry. I want to go to bed around the same time. I want to exercise regularly. I want to read consistently. I want to clean the entire apartments every Thursday. Or clean out the car every other Friday. Or whatever the improvement/task is, I want to do it regularly. This is because with routine, things that seem like a chore or a dreaded task, becomes habit. And with my goals, I want them to be things that become part of my lifestyle, not just something I check off my list.

Discussion with my Mom

I was having a conversation with my mom about some things, and I thought I would share because she has a lot of insight and is able to articulate things better than I am. First, I will give a brief summary of what started this conversation:

 My supervisor has a grandson who plays basketball. He is in the first grade. He doesn't show very much interest in playing. So his dad, my supervisor's son-in-law, told him that he would give him a dollar for every basket he makes. Now the son is super engaged and more aggressive in making baskets. I suppose the goal was achieved, but it it really the goal of the child or of the parent? And if it were the goal of the child, why involve a reward other than the satisfaction of self-improvement? 

Bribing children has never set well with me. First, who cares if he doesn't have interest in the game. Why push it? Why not accept that it's just not his thing? He's in first grade, who cares if he makes a basket or not?

 I think it is important to develop an internal sense of motivation and satisfaction. Bribery ruins that. That then made me think of how I know people who can only gauge their performance if it is compared to that of their peers. Who cares if everyone else in the class didn't do well on the exam? Did you?

 This reminds me of why cross-country, for all of the reasons I didn't like it, is a great sport. I don't care if I came in last in the race, if I improved my time, that is a good race.

 This is what my mom said when we were talking about only feeling satisfied with ourselves when compared to others:

 "It is the western way of thinking. It is so ingrained that it is hard to stop. The main researcher who writes about it is Carol Dweck. She focuses on performance vs mastery orientation. Performance orientation is the idea that we have to be good for others and that it is our products that make us who we are. She combines it with fixed mindset -- the idea that we are smart by genetics. Therefore, failure is stupidity. To contrast, mastery orientation is a focus on learning. It goes with a malleable mind set -- learning makes us smarter, effort is what drives being smarter. Praising children for being smart fosters performance orientation and fixed mind set. Praising effort creates a malleable mind set and helps kids be more persistent and take more joy in the process."

 Here is an article that I think is really good: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/ If you have time, read it, and tell me what you think!

If you don't have time, don't read it, but still tell me what you think!

Chester

This has been a really rough year for cats. Completely unexpectedly my cat Chester had to be put down yesterday. :'( Here are some of my favorite pictures of that big chunk of extra sharp cheddar cheese.

I think this is one of the earliest pictures I have of him. One day my mom said "There was a little orange tabby at the back door." When I went out, I couldn't see any cat. A couple of days later, I saw an orange tabby at the other back door. I went over to tentatively open it, worried I would scare him off, but he just waltzed right in as if he owned the place. And that was it. He was Chester, and he was our newest addition.

Or we were his.

I love his little back paws in this photo. I've always had a soft spot for big cats. I LOVE Maine Coons and Norwegian Forest Cats for this reason (and Sweetheart, Kiki) and here, Chester is only 1 or 2 years old, and he is HUGE. That big lug.

Chester and Velcro came to us around the same time, maybe a couple of months apart. As it turned out, they both left us a couple of months apart. They were both the youngest of the cats, which included Kitty, Zipper, and Romeo. We thought we had SO MANY CATS, now 5 seems like so few.

This is him with his best friend, Romeo. Or as I dubbed them, "Beef n' Cheddar"

Here are the boys. Cute old Kitty spoiled us by dying of simple old age. Look how cute they all are.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Chester, because it shows his funny personality. He would be so flirty and mischievous. Right here, he is begging for you to pet him, most likely purring thunderously, and when you finally reach out to pet him, he'll attack your hand and then run away.