Oofta

A lot of stress has built/is building in our lives right now.

First, Justin had an interview at Weber State for a fantastic manager job. (Which he got!!!) But we are sort of still feeling the residual stress of travel and interviewing. Plus, there's a lot to learn for this job.

Second, our Mazda Wagon has had a lot of issues and we are going to take it to the dealership and hope for a good price. We're hoping to do that Friday.

Third, we are renting a car in the meantime, and that can be very expensive. We need to return it Friday.

Fourth, we found a car we want, but we have to take out a car loan and we have some reservations about it. We're going to do that on Friday.

Fifth, Justin's internship ends today and he has a lot of wrapping up to do there.

Sixth, no rest for the wicked, because the semester starts on Monday.

Seventh, our little guinea pig Xabi is rapidly losing weight, so we're taking him to the vet on Friday.

Eighth, there's a LOT of drama going on at my work recently. And it has been dragged out since mid-June.

Ninth, we are moving in 4 months and renting a moving truck is not inexpensive.

Tenth, my ear is still whooshing. It seems to be slightly better, but I dream of the day that I never hear it.


In conclusion, lots of things are going on, on Friday!

Fear

I have this bubbling anxiety about going to my family reunion this upcoming weekend. I should be happy and excited, and I am, especially to see my parents and sister. However the blanket emotion right now is anxiety. I feel anxiety because I have gained a lot of weight since moving away from home. I feel anxiety because I know it has to be really noticeable. Especially for people who haven't seen me in a long time. There are a lot of athletic, skinny people in my extended family, and that makes me feel like I stick out even more. Blah. It is strange because I looked at an entry I made in my exercise blog in March of 2013. I was frustrated because I hadn't lost very much weight. The weight I was at in March of 2013 was almost 20 pounds lighter than I am now. I guess the lesson of that story is that I have to be happy that I am currently not 20 pounds heavier than I am right now? Sigh. Dumb.

Sigh

Sometimes I feel that trying to have a conversation with my dad is just asking for my ideas to be shot down. It feels like it happens every time. No matter what the conversation is, I never have a good idea. He will always tell me what the better idea is. From life decisions to little petty things. It wears me out to be wrong all the time.

Great weekend, shit week.

Don't you hate when you've had a wonderful weekend and then have to return to the reality of a work week? Brutal transition. This past Monday and Tuesday have been really lame. Anxiety-lame, unmotivated-lame, I-want-to-give-up-lame. Blah.

Hurt

Sometimes things hurt most not when you least expect it, but when you completely expect it. When you know what the unwanted outcome of something will be, when you completely expect a let down, when you fully anticipate being disappointed, sometimes that hurts more. Because in the end, your dumb little brain holds some hope that maybe something will change or this time will be different.

:(

Breakfast of Champions

It is 8:30 am and I have already had a chocolate milk, doughnut and a cliff bar, that is actually way more sugary than I anticipated.

I really need to start eating better. I need to prepare meals in advance so I don't get so hungry that I find gas station food acceptable. I also want to start exercising.

Blah. I have a feeling this will be a lifelong effort.

Botany, Wolves & Spam

Ugh. Bombed my botany test. That's what I get for not studying enough and barely paying attention in class...and not reading my book. Damn consequences!

But on the plus side, Manchester United (very top of the league) was defeated by Wolverhampton . (very bottom of the league)!

Despite that, I am in one of those strange moods where I am really cheerful, then pessimistic, then happy, then blah. I hate it. I also don't have much more to say. Other than, probably, just post macros, haha. I love pic-spamming. And I can, cause it is my blog, afterall.

Pumpernickle Bread

I saw mewithoutYou last night. ridiculously awesome. sad news: my sister couldn't get any non-blurry pictures. granted, the camera is somewhat new, but not one picture wasn't understandable with dark room, and lots of lights. BUT, there are settings for that! I am somewhat bitter. But I usually am when I don't get my way. And I also think my intolerance for other people increases when my self esteem decreases. This is a somewhat epiphany as of this moment. I'm a baby.

aaaanyway, it was ridiculously awesome, regardless.

my sister and her camera makes me angsty and unappreciative.

which are kind of two words that explain me a lot, in a sidenote.

anyway, game night! at my cousins. which meeeaaaans: rock band! oh, amoux, you fox.