I was having a conversation with my mom about some things, and I thought I would share because she has a lot of insight and is able to articulate things better than I am. First, I will give a brief summary of what started this conversation:
My supervisor has a grandson who plays basketball. He is in the first grade. He doesn't show very much interest in playing. So his dad, my supervisor's son-in-law, told him that he would give him a dollar for every basket he makes. Now the son is super engaged and more aggressive in making baskets. I suppose the goal was achieved, but it it really the goal of the child or of the parent? And if it were the goal of the child, why involve a reward other than the satisfaction of self-improvement?
Bribing children has never set well with me. First, who cares if he doesn't have interest in the game. Why push it? Why not accept that it's just not his thing? He's in first grade, who cares if he makes a basket or not?
I think it is important to develop an internal sense of motivation and satisfaction. Bribery ruins that.
That then made me think of how I know people who can only gauge their performance if it is compared to that of their peers. Who cares if everyone else in the class didn't do well on the exam? Did you?
This reminds me of why cross-country, for all of the reasons I didn't like it, is a great sport.
I don't care if I came in last in the race, if I improved my time, that is a good race.
This is what my mom said when we were talking about only feeling satisfied with ourselves when compared to others:
"It is the western way of thinking. It is so ingrained that it is hard to stop. The main researcher who writes about it is Carol Dweck. She focuses on performance vs mastery orientation. Performance orientation is the idea that we have to be good for others and that it is our products that make us who we are. She combines it with fixed mindset -- the idea that we are smart by genetics. Therefore, failure is stupidity.
To contrast, mastery orientation is a focus on learning. It goes with a malleable mind set -- learning makes us smarter, effort is what drives being smarter.
Praising children for being smart fosters performance orientation and fixed mind set. Praising effort creates a malleable mind set and helps kids be more persistent and take more joy in the process."
Here is an article that I think is really good: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
If you have time, read it, and tell me what you think!
If you don't have time, don't read it, but still tell me what you think!
Gah, I just wrote a big comment, clicked preview, and it disappeared. I'll try again.
ReplyDeleteI really agree with the idea of praising effort over intelligence or results. While I worked at the YMCA, I'd try to use some combination of "you worked hard" or "see what you can do" instead. The exception to this was when a student was saying negative things like "i'm stupid" in which case I would counter with "no, you're smart, and this is why . . . " followed by a list of successes, hard things they had done, what have you.
Personally, and this is going to sound arrogant, but there is an element of embarassment with intelligence. If I was wrong in school, a few kids would laugh at me. I don't know if it was out of jealousy or what, but it made it really hard to be wrong. I remember in seventh grade other kids would steal my homework and pass it around the class. It's been something I've struggled with my whole life. I'm still really embarrassed when I'm wrong.
Something else I've struggled with is what's mentioned in the article about not learning how to work. Though you probably think i'm too rough on myself, I still feel like I don't put in the time to my studies that I should. I never had to really work hard in academics until the final couple semesters of college, and I think that's hurt me in graduate school.