Finals

Are finally done!!! Now a couple weeks before summer semester. But at least all of my classes are online! (unless I didn't pass my Stats class. Cross your fingers!)

Voldemort Returns

Negative evil fermenting downward spiral of thoughts have officially returned.

Goals Revisit: April

I skipped a Goals update for March, but so far I have posted for January and February.

1. Exercise more!
We all know this one. I think the 1/2 marathon is off. I think it would be more rewarding to run a half marathon that I actually seriously trained for.

2. Eat better!
I want to pack my lunches. Eating out so much isn't helping with this goal.

3. Cook!
Not much progess here. For one thing the only meal that I would be home in order to cook is dinner. And by the time I get home I usually don't care enough. I hope this summer that can change.

4. Spend less!
Well. This is mixed. At one point I had 64 cents in my checking account. But I also feel that the things that I had bought that put me in that situation were out-of-the-ordinary purchases and may be excused. Other than a shopping spree at Target this past week, I am doing okay. Gas is the main killer of this goal.

5. Sew/Crochet!
I haven't done much of this since the last update.

6. Clean & Organize!
Did a huge clean out not long ago. Still feeling good about it. Maybe I should move on to the guest and sewing rooms when finals are over.

7. Treehouse!
I swear one of these weekends I'll get out there.

8. Garden!
Haven't done much for this, BUT for Easter I got radish and pea seeds. Perfect spring gift.

9. Reading!
FINALLY. A goal I have actually had progress on! I have now officially read The Hunger Games! I finished today and I have to say, I really like them. Now I want to see the movie. (Sorry Kiki about not being able to. I'm missing a movie/game night. Finals are killing me, but after would you be interested?)

10. Logic puzzles! I haven't made any, but I recently finished a bunch. Sooo, that counts for something, right?

11. Document Life!
More progress! I made that video for my little trip to Moab. It was a lot of fun. I want to make more.

12. Communication!
I think I'm getting better. Not sure. I think things are easier for me, at least.


So. This pretty much confirms my feelings of being lame. But everything will get easier after finals are over, I hope.

Wake Up Call

My best friend from high school is getting married and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. In January or sometime around then we went to get the bridesmaid dress fitted. It was perfect! It was a tiny bit tight but seeing as I had planned to run the half marathon I had thought that if anything I would lose weight and we would have to alter it a little bit down. I haven't really done great on running, and in fact don't really plan on running the entire race. Well, today I finally got it back and tried it on for fun.

Surprise, surprise. It doesn't fit.

I feel awful. My emotions are feelings of being pathetic and fat and stupid and ugly. These are all reactionary and snowballing emotions and I know that my self-worth is NOT dependent on my weight.

However I still struggle. I think part of what is hard to handle is that I knew I had gained some weight but I hadn't realized I had gained so much. I guess part of what hurts is that I knew I had gained weight, but because I don't really weigh myself on a regular basis I didn't have a sense of just how much. I feel like if I had just decided to get on a scale, I would have been sad and surprised by the increase, but I would have known that by stepping on the scale I was taking a risk of finding out something I didn't want to. Being completely surprised by it made it harder.

Sherlock

I found these on the interweb. I thought they were pretty awesome.

Moab 2012

Hurt

Sometimes things hurt most not when you least expect it, but when you completely expect it. When you know what the unwanted outcome of something will be, when you completely expect a let down, when you fully anticipate being disappointed, sometimes that hurts more. Because in the end, your dumb little brain holds some hope that maybe something will change or this time will be different.

:(

Costa Rica

Okay. I have a dilemma. There is a study abroad program through the Spanish Department to Costa Rica. I am torn about going. Here are the pros and cons:

PROS:

• It is $2,100 and covers food, housing, excursions and local transportation.
• I would be immersed in the language that I really really want to learn.
• I would also be immersed in the culture that I am studying.
• I could eat real homemade tortillas and beans EVERY DAY. (I can't tell you how much I miss real tortillas)

CONS:

• If I needed to take classes during the summer, I wouldn't be able to.
• I would miss a month's salary.
• I would be gone for my birthday.
• I would be gone for my sister's birthday.
• I would be gone for my one year anniversary with my boyfriend.
• I would be gone for my family reunion, where I get to see cousins that I only see once a year.

Irony.

Warning: This post may be offensive to some.

Read This


The church just released a statement in response to an accusation that it is racist. A spokesman stated "The Church's position is clear-we believe all people are God's children and are equal in His eyes and in the church."

My response? OH REALLY?

Okay, I know this article is about racism towards blacks, and I understand the importance of the priesthood being granted to blacks (well, the men, at least). And I don't mean to be THAT person, but I can't help it.

Because I happen to remember this little thing called Proposition 8, and I'm pretty damn sure that saying a certain portion of the population is not allowed to enjoy the right that the majority of the population are allowed, is pretty unequal to me. Saying that all people are equal in the eyes of the church is ridiculous. You OBVIOUSLY do not believe that.

I just hope that one day homophobia will be seen as shameful and bigoted as racism.
Okay, mini-rant over.

Goals Revisit

1. Exercise more!
I've been running for my half marathon, which means I've been running four times a week and hiking one day. I think that is fulfilling that goal so far.

2. Eat better!
Although running helps this, I still could improve. I have started to justify eating unhealthy food by saying I can eat it because I'm going to run later. But I need to be fueling my body with better things.

3. Cook!
Uh, I haven't done anything about this, haha. But I got these little recipe cards with quick recipes, so maybe I'll try to cook more. That will help with eating better and probably with my next goal, which is...

4. Spend less!
I have spent less money on needless chai tea or overpriced fruit leather from the union building on campus, but I should probably spend less money eating out. Other than that, carpooling with my mom helps.

5. Sew/Crochet!
Kiki! You have helped me with this one a lot! My goal is to have 3 dish rags by Valentine's Day. It will probably not happen with school, but that is what I would like.

6. Clean & Organize!
Okay! I am in the middle of this one. I just did a major rearranging of my room and now I want to go through everything and get rid of a TON of school notes and assignments that for some reason I have held onto. And go through my wardrobe (mainly shoes) and get rid of things I don't need.

7. Treehouse!
I can't really work on this one until the spring.

8. Garden!
Same problem.

9. Reading!
I think I'm going to wait until the semester is over for this one.

10. Logic puzzles! Finish my logic puzzle book. Minimum of 20 puzzles!
Well. I have 4. I haven't worked on them for a while, but 4 is better than 0!

11. Document Life!
I haven't done this at all. I'll think about starting sometime soon. Maybe I can take some time to videotape things on the weekends, if only by walking outside for a little bit and catching my surroundings.

12. Communication!
I think I am improving, but it is still a struggle. I am thinking of going to a counselor on campus and working on this. I know it will be a life-long effort.