My best friend from high school is getting married and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. In January or sometime around then we went to get the bridesmaid dress fitted. It was perfect! It was a tiny bit tight but seeing as I had planned to run the half marathon I had thought that if anything I would lose weight and we would have to alter it a little bit down. I haven't really done great on running, and in fact don't really plan on running the entire race. Well, today I finally got it back and tried it on for fun.
Surprise, surprise. It doesn't fit.
I feel awful. My emotions are feelings of being pathetic and fat and stupid and ugly. These are all reactionary and snowballing emotions and I know that my self-worth is NOT dependent on my weight.
However I still struggle. I think part of what is hard to handle is that I knew I had gained some weight but I hadn't realized I had gained so much. I guess part of what hurts is that I knew I had gained weight, but because I don't really weigh myself on a regular basis I didn't have a sense of just how much. I feel like if I had just decided to get on a scale, I would have been sad and surprised by the increase, but I would have known that by stepping on the scale I was taking a risk of finding out something I didn't want to. Being completely surprised by it made it harder.
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