Deli

Today is Thursday. Deli day. This is what I used to do every Thursday and Sunday. Before I had it scheduled for Thursday and Sunday it was what I would do any day they wanted to schedule me in. That meant that at one time I was going between the deli job and my current job for 13 days in a row. NOT. RECOMMENDED. But hey, we needed money in a bad way. Before that I was also scheduled at any time, which was good, because we needed money, but bad, because it meant I might be getting home at 10pm to get a call at 6:30 am to please come in at 7 am. Here was my job (this is the morning shift job. The evening shift was mostly just cleaning and helping customers).

At 7 am I would arrive. First, I would get on my hair net and latex gloves.

Second, I would get a cart and empty buffet pans. Almost always there wasn't enough for the olive bar, so I'd get as many as I could. Also, I'd get a bunch of serving spoons.

Third, I would check all of the dates on the olive bar and pull out the ones that expire that day. Then I would lift the old pans out of their slots and spoon the olives into the new pans. This takes quite a while, and I would eventually run out of pans.

Fourth, I would spray the oil and junk out of the dirty pans. Then dip them in hot water, then soapy water, then sanitizer water and dry them off. I would return and finish up the olive bar. Sometimes this also meant that I would need to get more olives for a certain pan that expired. In which case, I would need to clean out more pans, then go to the olive bar fridge and open a new case of whatever I'm missing. I would then get the date tagger and count how many days until the item will expire and mark the tag. Finally, I'd take it back to the olive bar and put in the new dish with the updated tag.

Fifth, it's cleaning time. I would wash out all of the remaining dishes. Depending on how soon the Hot Foods worker needs it, I would either wash it in the sink or clean out most the junk and load it into the industrial dishwasher. After it is done, I'd dry the pans, then stack them back on the shelf.

Sixth, I would open every meat case window and check the expiration dates on all of the meat. Anything that expires that day I would take out and put it where our display case is for it to be "shrunk". Meaning weighed to get a tag, then thrown out. (Or, disgustingly, given to the Salad Bar to use in their Grab-n-Go salads.) 

Seventh, depending if there are any customers or how long it took I would take my first break. At this point it is about 9am.

Eighth, after heating up oatmeal and eating a banana or something, I would go back to work at 9:15. 

Firstly, I would get my Sandwich log, which is written up by the manager or co-manager every day, depending on inventory. I would see what sandwiches I am making that day and go into the "walk-in" freezer and get the deli cart. Usually, the meat and sandwich makings had their own cooler, but it was broken for about 4 months.

I would check each meat, cheese, and bread. Then I would slice what I needed. This seems like a short step, but depending on how much I needed, how many customers there were, and if I needed to open a new package, this could take a very long time. Sometimes about 2 hours, just due to stupid customers. For one thing, you get the meat and unwrap it. Then you put it on the slicer (if you are able. Sometimes you first have to clean off the slicer) and adjust the settings. After you have sliced what you need, you weight it, (or re-weight it, after re-weighing it, after re-weighing it) and tag the deli bag and put the meat in. Then, you take the hunk of meat left on the slicer and put a plastic tissue on the sliced side, keep the price tag which is also wrapped in a plastic tissue, and put it on the heat wrapper. (BE CAREFUL! I burned myself on this all the time). Sometimes you have to tag/date it first, then wrap it. And sometimes the weigh machine needs new labels, so it just depends on how this process goes to how much time you have.

I would start assembling my sandwiches. Usually I'd try to work with what I had, before slicing new meat. I'd start off with Kaiser buns, then the 12 grain wedges. If I need more bread I'd have to go to the bread isle, then to the front desk to get a sticker and back to the deli. 

Between assembling sandwiches and helping customers, it would eventually get to be lunch between 12 and 1 for half an hour.

The rest of the day is pretty much just between making sandwiches, slicing the sandwiches and placing them in plastic containers to then date/tag them and put them in the case, AND/OR slicing meat and cheese for customers. Between all of these jobs you also spray and wipe off the counter tops, meat scales, slicers and sandwich cutting board/knives. You get another 15 minute break in the afternoon. Sometimes I would skip this, depending on how many sandwiches I had left. You also sometimes have to go to the produce section and pick out a tomato to weigh/tag/record, then slice for sandwiches.

LONG STORY SHORT, I'm glad I don't have that job anymore. Haha!

The importance of felines.

A Mimi without a kitty is no Mimi at all.

It sounds cheesy, but I feel more like myself when there are cats around. Maybe it is because I have never known life without them.

I feel like when Kitty died things changed.
And then when Mooch died things changed more.

 Something shifted and cats weren't this...spiritual or supernatural  type of presence in my life.

But nevertheless, I still feel "off" without one.

Sigh. There is your Mimi-fueled melodrama for the day.

Sick

I can't tell if I'm sick because I don't feel well physically or if I feel sick because I don't feel well emotionally.

That's Ballgame

I hate feeling guilty for expressing my own emotions. Why should I feel guilty for acknowledging my feelings? I think I feel guilty because it disrupts the peace. But what is the alternative? To keep it inside, keep the peace, until it boils up and over and the reaction seems disproportionate to the crime? I don't choose these emotions. And I try to keep them reasonable. But fact is fact, and I am sick of apologizing for something that I'm not sorry for. I'm sorry for the fact of the matter, but not for the emotions I feel. The emotions I feel is hurt. Why does my brain automatically add to that hurt by telling me I am ruining things? Or for feeling guilty because I've hurt someone's feelings, by informing them that they have hurt mine. I don't like that I feel like the bad guy or worse, needy and clingy. Why can't I? I get sick of going back and forth between feeling like I am justified, and then feeling like I am being ridiculous. I feel justified until I feel like I am making too much trouble, so I talk myself out of what I really feel. I rationalize until I convince myself that I'm being irrational or too harsh.But if these emotions occur over and over and over, am I still irrational, or does the pattern mean something more than just a phase? What do you do when you realize it's a pattern and not a phase?

Sitting

Sometimes I feel like all I do is sit.

I wake up, I get ready and sit in the car to get to work, where I sit. Then I go to class, where I sit some more, return to sitting at work, then sit in the car to go home. And by the time I'm home, I'm so tired I just want to sit.

Stupid. I feel like my body isn't very happy with me these days.

One of those days.

Harshness of Reality

Okay, so that is sort of a melodramatic title for this post, I'll admit. In this case, the harshness of reality is that my closet is too small for my materialistic desires. I'll admit the other harsh realities are less melodramatic, although I can't promise they aren't less materialistic.

I really just wish that my life would get moving. I feel like I am at a stand still, waiting for life to happen. But that is how I have felt for a long time. And maybe it is just because I still don't identify myself as an adult, but once I realize that there are plenty of MUCH MORE responsible and adult-like 20 year olds, it makes me think that I need to stop dragging my feet about life. And this isn't really about feeling like an adult. It is more about feeling like I am stuck in one place, and one time I am going to wake up and realize it is my fault. Which it is/would be. And I am trying to change this. But at the same time I also feel like there are certain things that are not within my control. (more or less, a boyfriend, a social circle. okay, so these things are SORT of in my control. but it isn't like I can snap my fingers and all of a sudden the cute guy in my class notices me, or like I can snap my fingers and have friends that aren't just friends because we have a class project together. it is easy for some people, but not me.)

It is not that I don't know these things aren't obtainable (whoa, triple negative), but that I just wish they would stop taking their sweet time. And I know that it takes a lot of effort and focus on my part in order to get my life to the point that I want it to, but it also feels like that would take a lot of risk and money and it won't even end up being exactly what I imagined in the first place. Okay so I lied about the other realities not being melodramatic. Uh, sorry.

Anyway, I also just want all my dreams to come true, and I know that only very, very, very lucky people get that. Or maybe just people who aren't idealist-bordering on perfectionists, and are okay with how things are. But I want my farm house. And I want my cheap cinema. And my cafe. And I want to be in shape and have really awesome clothes and the confidence to pull them off and to not be mistaken for a 16 year old. And I want money and a huge book and music collection, and to actually be motivated to do art regularly and to have direction in life. Mostly I just really want a bigger closet.

New Semester

My new semester is:
-Spanish 1010 (I took Spanish in junior high and one semester in high school, but I a) was never really good at it in the first place, b) didn't really even like it in the first place, and c) have forgotton most of it anyway.

-Botany 1203:Plant Biology In high school I took AP Biology, and my favorite part was the very tiny section we studied on botany. I have taken a couple of botany classes so far, but they were more of the big picture, and I'm ready to learn more specific things about plants. I hope there isn't too much chemistry, though! yikes.

-Geography 1000: Natural Environments of Earth. This is the class that I think I won't like so much, but I have been kicking around the idea of a Botany Major, Geography Minor, so this is one of the requirements for both. Meh. Hopefully it will be better than my expectations.

-Recreation 4550:Outdoor Education, this looked interesting. And I think that if I pursue the botany idea, then maybe I could work at someplace like the Nature Center, or something, in which case, it would be good to have a class on teaching in the outdoors. I don't really want to be a teacher, but I think I could do presentations, and I dunno. It seemed fun. Hopefully it is.

-Health 1300: First Aid: Emergency Response. This is a strange sort of class. We only have two classes, both of which take all day. And one is at the very first saturday of the semester and one is at the end. I am assuming we learn what it is all about the first time, study like crazy in between, and then are tested on it the last time. I just figure these are good skills to have, no matter what. Plus, one of my biggest fears is being completely helpless in a situation that is out of my control, when there is something I could have done, if I had only had the knowledge or skill. (Plus, it filled the credits I needed, to be qualified as a full time student, hah)

Poopy

I am so drained. It is only the third day of school and I want to sleep for a whole week. I thought I was prepared for school again, but I'm not. I want summer back. I don't want homework. I don't want to be on campus for a stupid ten hours tomorrow. I don't want to read 80 pages of geography homework plus whatever will be assigned tomorrow. I don't want to do three entire math assignments every other day. I don't want to paint and be frustrated that I can't get the colors mixed just right. I don't want to be a responsible student!!!

Pathetic

My friend Brandon got back from his mission to Brazil yesterday. I am happy he is home, but I have to admit, it makes me feel more aware of how little has changed with me since he left. In one way, I have changed a lot, and probably not for the better due to eh, I would say emotional hardships. But at the same time, when he asks "so, what's going on in your life?" all I can say is "um, well. I'm still going to school, but I don't know what for. and I don't have a job, but that will hopefully change soon." which BASICALLY is exactly the same thing that was going on two years ago. I still don't have any direction in life. I will admit that when I am around Brandon, who is super smart on top of being really talented at multiple things, that I feel pathetic as it is. I am not really good at any one thing. I like guitar, but I'm not good at it. I like art, but I'm not good at it. I like learning, but I feel that I learn a lot, and forget most of it anyway. I like the outdoors, but I'm not athletic or active. I like books, but I don't read enough to be impressive or to seem cultured. All of those things are sort of the pre-existing pathetic-feeling. But THEN, on top of that, I don't have any direction. It is one thing to be talentless and boring. It is another that I basically don't contribute anything to society. Oh? You've learned a new language, have probably tons of self-discovery, and been doing God's work? Well, I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I don't have a job. Basically, nothing has changed in two years. Impressed?
It's not like I just want to impress Brandon. It's that it makes me realize even more (because believe me, I was well aware before) that I am just not that interesting or impressive. I don't think the kind of guy that I would want would be the kind that would want someone who is as useless as me.

I now pronounce you...

My friend/neighbor got married this past week, I was the bridesmaid. And I definitely definitely do not want to get married in a long time.

BUT WHEN I DO...
I waaaaant very classic things. Like black and cream as the colors. And big band/frank sinatra kind of music playing. (although I might throw in Tequila and do the Pee Wee Herman dance as my second song, doohoohoo!)

OR I might just get eloped, then demand gifts when I get back.
hmmmm....

Ramblerambleramble

Today was a good day.
(I admittedly had a cranky moment, but I, like a small child, get cranky at hunger.)
I had a delicious Cobb sandwich at Ville Bella. This cafe across from campus that makes me want to open a cafe.

Actually, I went to Great Harvest Bread fairly recently, and they had Beatles music playing. Also it was a little tiny Harvest Bread, and I thought I would want to open a cafe that had Beatles playing all the time, but was NOT Beatle themed. On second thought, I think I might just have a Beatle Day. And maybe have some special that was named something Beatle-related.
If that plan fails I'll move to Scotland and live out my TRUE destiny.

Today also was my math final, which I actually think went pretty well. There were some nasty ones towards the end, but win some lose some, I s'pose. Especially since the first several pages I felt pretty confident on. Which it would be great if I could pass that, and have one more math class and then be done. I don't really know what I'll do college-career-life-wise. (oh yeah, cafe/scotland.)


I also went to the library this morning. I really have started to go a lot more often. Admittedly, I am just checking out cds and dvds. That makes me sort of ashamed. I really don't read enough. I just read the same book over and over. If you want something to read, The Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner is really good. JSYK.(even if it is far below my reading level...like, I first read it in junior high, haha)

I really need to get my car's stereo fixed. Speaking of which, can I just tell you I love my car? Well, I do.

The weekend went by way too fast. I think I need to stop rambling and start studying. I am almost positive that those two facts (not studying and rambling) are completely correlated.

Anyway, the rest of my day has consisted of my bath (I take too many. I think I might be slightly addicted to baths. I take them a lot), and shuffling cats in and out. Bossy little furballs.
I feel flabby, fat, and lazy. Blah. If you are still reading this, I applaud you. I am sure it wasn't easy. I promise not to do that again. (at least for a while).