Pathetic

My friend Brandon got back from his mission to Brazil yesterday. I am happy he is home, but I have to admit, it makes me feel more aware of how little has changed with me since he left. In one way, I have changed a lot, and probably not for the better due to eh, I would say emotional hardships. But at the same time, when he asks "so, what's going on in your life?" all I can say is "um, well. I'm still going to school, but I don't know what for. and I don't have a job, but that will hopefully change soon." which BASICALLY is exactly the same thing that was going on two years ago. I still don't have any direction in life. I will admit that when I am around Brandon, who is super smart on top of being really talented at multiple things, that I feel pathetic as it is. I am not really good at any one thing. I like guitar, but I'm not good at it. I like art, but I'm not good at it. I like learning, but I feel that I learn a lot, and forget most of it anyway. I like the outdoors, but I'm not athletic or active. I like books, but I don't read enough to be impressive or to seem cultured. All of those things are sort of the pre-existing pathetic-feeling. But THEN, on top of that, I don't have any direction. It is one thing to be talentless and boring. It is another that I basically don't contribute anything to society. Oh? You've learned a new language, have probably tons of self-discovery, and been doing God's work? Well, I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I don't have a job. Basically, nothing has changed in two years. Impressed?
It's not like I just want to impress Brandon. It's that it makes me realize even more (because believe me, I was well aware before) that I am just not that interesting or impressive. I don't think the kind of guy that I would want would be the kind that would want someone who is as useless as me.