PT Update #3.

Last week I finally had my appointment with the ENT. I was nervous but very hopeful and optimistic.

Turns out, hope can be dangerous.

Within seconds of him opening his mouth I knew he wasn't the right doctor. I believe his first words were "There's nothing that can be done." Other excerpts of the "conversation" (I put conversation in quotes because it was basically just him lecturing us) were "Anything you read online is pretty much grasping at straws" and "It isn't very common in people your age but it isn't unheard of. It's just a sign of early onset hearing loss", and "It's really very, very, common. Asking someone if they have tinnitus is like asking if they have a right thumb, it happens to everyone", as well as "It's just something you can't really do anything about so you'll have to learn how to cope with it." and "Sometimes once you actually reach the point of severe hearing loss, hearing aids sometimes help". Also "You probably damaged your ear from hearing a loud noise or listening to loud music."

Um, okay, first I think I would remember if something suddenly "happened" that set off this noise. AND if it was loud music the majority of my generation (and my parent's generations for that matter) would have what I do. It seems to me that HE'S grasping at straws.

Zero bedside manner. Zero awareness that even if he was correct, he was basically saying "You can deal with the endless, distracting, overwhelming, maddening pulsing noise in your ear for the rest of your life or until you go deaf."

When Justin asked about Intercranial Hypertension, something that multiple studies have pointed to for being linked with PT, the doctor pretty much smirked in his face. Not only is Intercranial Hypertension linked to PT, but it is specifically linked to young (check) women (check) who are overweight (check) and on birth control (check). The fact that the doctor dismissed it right away and said it was grasping at straws made it very apparent that he doesn't know the modern research and is not willing to even admit that it could be a possibility. He was just so arrogant and condescending I wanted to punch him.

The other obnoxious thing about this appointment is that he basically exclusively spoke with Justin. As if I wasn't sitting there. I started crying out of anger and frustration. Both of us are taking time off of work and waited weeks for this appointment just for him to tell me what a google search for tinnitus will tell me. Pulsatile Tinnitus IS NOT your run of the mill tinnitus. Yes, everyone experiences tinnitus at times. Yes, tinnitus is very common. But is PULSATILE tinnitus common? How is it that it changes when I bend down or move my neck/head? Why does it lessen if I push on my carotid artery? Why do I sometimes hear that high pitched tinnitus noise AND the pulse at the same time? How is it that I can record the noise with my phone? Why does it seem to change in intensity and pitch? Why does it seem worse when I'm on my period? Does it not seem important that it basically started once I got on birth control and gained weight? It HAS to be vascular.

It made for a really awful couple of  days. Even knowing that not all options have been explored, it is really difficult to hear that kind of reply from a professional. This was supposed to be the next step to figuring out what to do. I feel like it stripped away my resilience. It seemed like when I would hear my whoosh it felt especially loud simply knowing that there would be no relief.

I wish that after his first sentence we just stood up and walked out. Instead we paid a larger co-pay than usual because he's a specialist. I don't think I've ever really had a real, full-on panic attack in my life until seconds from walking out of the building. To think that I would just hear this day in and day out for the rest of my life or until I could no longer hear anything at all was enough to put me over the edge. The callousness and obliviousness he displayed was staggering. His summary write-up told that he advised me on coping methods and that I complained of a ringing noise and had hearing loss. The coping method he told me was to listen to a fan or white noise machine at night. I didn't even bother responding that I already do and have for a long time even before the PT, because I figure it was pointless to talk to him.

Okay, but I had an audiogram and the person who conducted that and the ENT nurse said it was perfectly normal. And it is NOT A RINGING NOISE. Does ANYONE listen at this stupid office?!?

I have slowly started feeling better after 2 weeks and am back to trying to figure it out on my own. I am trying to lose weight and I'm going to go off of birth control to try and see if that helps. Hormones are mighty powerful and I would not be surprised if that is a factor.

All in all, it was a waste of time, money, energy, and felt like a huge step back. I am NEVER going to go to a doctor again before contacting them before hand to make sure that they know the damn difference between tinnitus and PT and aren't going to be a condescending ass to me and my husband.

Winter

Go away! I got stuck in the driveway this morning and it took me a good 45 minutes to get out. >:(

Irony.

Warning: This post may be offensive to some.

Read This


The church just released a statement in response to an accusation that it is racist. A spokesman stated "The Church's position is clear-we believe all people are God's children and are equal in His eyes and in the church."

My response? OH REALLY?

Okay, I know this article is about racism towards blacks, and I understand the importance of the priesthood being granted to blacks (well, the men, at least). And I don't mean to be THAT person, but I can't help it.

Because I happen to remember this little thing called Proposition 8, and I'm pretty damn sure that saying a certain portion of the population is not allowed to enjoy the right that the majority of the population are allowed, is pretty unequal to me. Saying that all people are equal in the eyes of the church is ridiculous. You OBVIOUSLY do not believe that.

I just hope that one day homophobia will be seen as shameful and bigoted as racism.
Okay, mini-rant over.

Frustration

So. I bought a car not too long ago. I have a loan on it. The credit union and I agreed that we would have the loan payment each month come out of my payroll, since I work at the same place as the credit union is associated with.
I've been making extra payments on the loan, as well, just to get ahead and to gain some credit and pay less interest.
Well, I was looking at my loan today and I thought 'Something doesn't seem right.'

So I call the credit union, and they didn't complete setting up the payroll payment system. So not only have I been paying extra interest (it may only be like 10 bucks, who knows. I don't. but it is still annoying) BUT, I am not as far ahead as I thought. It doesn't exactly make me feel super confident that they not only said they would set it up and didn't do it correctly, but didn't even catch it.

SO frustrating. You know, if you're going to be dealing with people's money, you sure as hell better be doing your job right.