Last week I finally had my appointment with the ENT. I was nervous but very hopeful and optimistic.
Turns out, hope can be dangerous.
Within seconds of him opening his mouth I knew he wasn't the right doctor. I believe his first words were "There's nothing that can be done." Other excerpts of the "conversation" (I put conversation in quotes because it was basically just him lecturing us) were "Anything you read online is pretty much grasping at straws" and "It isn't very common in people your age but it isn't unheard of. It's just a sign of early onset hearing loss", and "It's really very, very, common. Asking someone if they have tinnitus is like asking if they have a right thumb, it happens to everyone", as well as "It's just something you can't really do anything about so you'll have to learn how to cope with it." and "Sometimes once you actually reach the point of severe hearing loss, hearing aids sometimes help". Also "You probably damaged your ear from hearing a loud noise or listening to loud music."
Um, okay, first I think I would remember if something suddenly "happened" that set off this noise. AND if it was loud music the majority of my generation (and my parent's generations for that matter) would have what I do. It seems to me that HE'S grasping at straws.
Zero bedside manner. Zero awareness that even if he was correct, he was basically saying "You can deal with the endless, distracting, overwhelming, maddening pulsing noise in your ear for the rest of your life or until you go deaf."
When Justin asked about Intercranial Hypertension, something that multiple studies have pointed to for being linked with PT, the doctor pretty much smirked in his face. Not only is Intercranial Hypertension linked to PT, but it is specifically linked to young (check) women (check) who are overweight (check) and on birth control (check). The fact that the doctor dismissed it right away and said it was grasping at straws made it very apparent that he doesn't know the modern research and is not willing to even admit that it could be a possibility. He was just so arrogant and condescending I wanted to punch him.
The other obnoxious thing about this appointment is that he basically exclusively spoke with Justin. As if I wasn't sitting there. I started crying out of anger and frustration. Both of us are taking time off of work and waited weeks for this appointment just for him to tell me what a google search for tinnitus will tell me. Pulsatile Tinnitus IS NOT your run of the mill tinnitus. Yes, everyone experiences tinnitus at times. Yes, tinnitus is very common. But is PULSATILE tinnitus common? How is it that it changes when I bend down or move my neck/head? Why does it lessen if I push on my carotid artery? Why do I sometimes hear that high pitched tinnitus noise AND the pulse at the same time? How is it that I can record the noise with my phone? Why does it seem to change in intensity and pitch? Why does it seem worse when I'm on my period? Does it not seem important that it basically started once I got on birth control and gained weight? It HAS to be vascular.
It made for a really awful couple of days. Even knowing that not all options have been explored, it is really difficult to hear that kind of reply from a professional. This was supposed to be the next step to figuring out what to do. I feel like it stripped away my resilience. It seemed like when I would hear my whoosh it felt especially loud simply knowing that there would be no relief.
I wish that after his first sentence we just stood up and walked out. Instead we paid a larger co-pay than usual because he's a specialist. I don't think I've ever really had a real, full-on panic attack in my life until seconds from walking out of the building. To think that I would just hear this day in and day out for the rest of my life or until I could no longer hear anything at all was enough to put me over the edge. The callousness and obliviousness he displayed was staggering. His summary write-up told that he advised me on coping methods and that I complained of a ringing noise and had hearing loss. The coping method he told me was to listen to a fan or white noise machine at night. I didn't even bother responding that I already do and have for a long time even before the PT, because I figure it was pointless to talk to him.
Okay, but I had an audiogram and the person who conducted that and the ENT nurse said it was perfectly normal. And it is NOT A RINGING NOISE. Does ANYONE listen at this stupid office?!?
I have slowly started feeling better after 2 weeks and am back to trying to figure it out on my own. I am trying to lose weight and I'm going to go off of birth control to try and see if that helps. Hormones are mighty powerful and I would not be surprised if that is a factor.
All in all, it was a waste of time, money, energy, and felt like a huge step back. I am NEVER going to go to a doctor again before contacting them before hand to make sure that they know the damn difference between tinnitus and PT and aren't going to be a condescending ass to me and my husband.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Sunday, October 13, 2013
"Voices of Hope"
"No one wants to be alone for the rest of their lives, and no one should."
So, I recently had a friend come out on Facebook, and I think that is very brave. I completely support that. What I find disturbing is that he has decided that he has two options. To either stay LDS or to act on his "same-sex attraction". He has chosen the former. Therefore, he is openly gay, but will never act on it. He posted this video:
I found this disturbing, heart breaking and angering.
On one hand, I suppose it is a choice. And if people think choosing their religion over love will make them happier, then whatever. Do what you want. Do what makes you happiest, I suppose.
On the other hand, I can't help but question why. Does anyone actually really want to be celibate and alone for the rest of their lives? This isn't about sex. This is about feeling loved for who you are and finding within yourself love for someone else. And, miraculously, having that love returned. Ultimately, isn't that what we all want?
My anger comes from the fact that the LDS church, in it's twisted sense of progress, (which in some ways, IS progress...I guess...) is basically moving from active discrimination to passive (but still quite active) discrimination. The church is kind of an expert at passive aggressive bullshit, so this isn't new.
Ugh. It makes me really angry and sad and sick. If I believed in a God, (SHE!) wouldn't give a shit who I loved, but would just be happy that through love I found true happiness. I wish that people didn't try to force love into a convenient neat little box with parameters that defined what is true love.
I hope in 20, 15, 10 or maybe even 5 (as if) years, the church will open it's eyes and realize that they are behind the times. They are wrong and embarrassingly so. Although I don't think the LDS church has even a fraction of an ounce of humility to ever admit that they were wrong or have ever been wrong. In addition to being passive aggressive experts they happen to also be historical revisionists extraordinaire.
Blah. I guess in the end it isn't that bad. It isn't like it is forcing anyone to do anything. It is more tolerant than previous stances. And if it is genuinely making people happy, then okay, go for it. But I wish that it was 100% tolerance. Not conditional tolerance. It isn't acceptance, it is a bargain. If you don't act on it, we'll accept you. Otherwise, you are not welcome.
It just feels like the church was told "Be progressive" and because it is so twisted and crippled with guilt issues and old farts, it came up with this cruel definition of progress.
So, I recently had a friend come out on Facebook, and I think that is very brave. I completely support that. What I find disturbing is that he has decided that he has two options. To either stay LDS or to act on his "same-sex attraction". He has chosen the former. Therefore, he is openly gay, but will never act on it. He posted this video:
I found this disturbing, heart breaking and angering.
On one hand, I suppose it is a choice. And if people think choosing their religion over love will make them happier, then whatever. Do what you want. Do what makes you happiest, I suppose.
On the other hand, I can't help but question why. Does anyone actually really want to be celibate and alone for the rest of their lives? This isn't about sex. This is about feeling loved for who you are and finding within yourself love for someone else. And, miraculously, having that love returned. Ultimately, isn't that what we all want?
My anger comes from the fact that the LDS church, in it's twisted sense of progress, (which in some ways, IS progress...I guess...) is basically moving from active discrimination to passive (but still quite active) discrimination. The church is kind of an expert at passive aggressive bullshit, so this isn't new.
Ugh. It makes me really angry and sad and sick. If I believed in a God, (SHE!) wouldn't give a shit who I loved, but would just be happy that through love I found true happiness. I wish that people didn't try to force love into a convenient neat little box with parameters that defined what is true love.
I hope in 20, 15, 10 or maybe even 5 (as if) years, the church will open it's eyes and realize that they are behind the times. They are wrong and embarrassingly so. Although I don't think the LDS church has even a fraction of an ounce of humility to ever admit that they were wrong or have ever been wrong. In addition to being passive aggressive experts they happen to also be historical revisionists extraordinaire.
Blah. I guess in the end it isn't that bad. It isn't like it is forcing anyone to do anything. It is more tolerant than previous stances. And if it is genuinely making people happy, then okay, go for it. But I wish that it was 100% tolerance. Not conditional tolerance. It isn't acceptance, it is a bargain. If you don't act on it, we'll accept you. Otherwise, you are not welcome.
It just feels like the church was told "Be progressive" and because it is so twisted and crippled with guilt issues and old farts, it came up with this cruel definition of progress.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Facebook & Politics
I recently posted a grumpy post about how much I hate politics and facebook. What I hate MORE about politics and facebook, is when completely uninformed sheeple decide to speak up, which when it comes to uninformed and sheeple, that happens like 100% of the time.
-cough-
So, since I decided to not stir up the pot of raging republicans on my friend Chelsea's post, I'll just post my response here. First, a little review: (sorry for the different sizes. I uploaded the whole thing but it viewed too small, so I cut it up enough to view everything. You can click on them to view them full-size)
I decided to black out their names, since if someone I didn't know screencapped a fb conversation I had and posted it on their blog, I'd want my name blacked out too.
First off, I think the Tyson person is pretty reasonable and open-minded. While he isn't for universal health-care, he does seem to genuinely want an answer to his questions.
The Aric person is great. His first response was perfect.
I have quite a few responses to Brent, some which I actually typed, then backspaced, then decided to just post on here.
1. It is ironic that someone who is physically incapable of having a child (aka, a male) is saying that birth control is not a right. Furthermore, you'll never get the entire world to practice abstinence. So why not make it a better place by a) reducing the population and conserving resources, through birth control. b)(you might not understand this, because you're a white middle class male, living in a world of the mainly white middle class) give a woman the right to decide when and how many children she wants, without having to have a certain income to afford it. Newsflash, everyone isn't part of the middle class. Sure, you think birth control "isn't' that expensive" BUT YOU AREN'T IMPOVERISHED YOU IDIOT.
2. It is also ironic that someone who (most likely, just guessing) periodically pools a fraction of their resources(money)for a bigger organization and for people other than themselves, doesn't see the connection between mormonism and socialism. What the hell do you think tithing is?
3. Go wikipedia "socialism". Note how it isn't spelled C-O-M-M-U-N-I-S-M? I am not sure you even know what socialism really is...Or communism, for that matter.
Finally, http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/06/heres-a-map-of-the-countries-that-provide-universal-health-care-americas-still-not-on-it/259153
I have a butt load more responses, but I look forward to hearing yours (my readers).
-cough-
So, since I decided to not stir up the pot of raging republicans on my friend Chelsea's post, I'll just post my response here. First, a little review: (sorry for the different sizes. I uploaded the whole thing but it viewed too small, so I cut it up enough to view everything. You can click on them to view them full-size)
I decided to black out their names, since if someone I didn't know screencapped a fb conversation I had and posted it on their blog, I'd want my name blacked out too.
First off, I think the Tyson person is pretty reasonable and open-minded. While he isn't for universal health-care, he does seem to genuinely want an answer to his questions.
The Aric person is great. His first response was perfect.
I have quite a few responses to Brent, some which I actually typed, then backspaced, then decided to just post on here.
1. It is ironic that someone who is physically incapable of having a child (aka, a male) is saying that birth control is not a right. Furthermore, you'll never get the entire world to practice abstinence. So why not make it a better place by a) reducing the population and conserving resources, through birth control. b)(you might not understand this, because you're a white middle class male, living in a world of the mainly white middle class) give a woman the right to decide when and how many children she wants, without having to have a certain income to afford it. Newsflash, everyone isn't part of the middle class. Sure, you think birth control "isn't' that expensive" BUT YOU AREN'T IMPOVERISHED YOU IDIOT.
2. It is also ironic that someone who (most likely, just guessing) periodically pools a fraction of their resources(money)for a bigger organization and for people other than themselves, doesn't see the connection between mormonism and socialism. What the hell do you think tithing is?
3. Go wikipedia "socialism". Note how it isn't spelled C-O-M-M-U-N-I-S-M? I am not sure you even know what socialism really is...Or communism, for that matter.
Finally, http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/06/heres-a-map-of-the-countries-that-provide-universal-health-care-americas-still-not-on-it/259153
I have a butt load more responses, but I look forward to hearing yours (my readers).
Monday, September 24, 2012
Politics
As I scroll through my facebook feed I see a lot of political posts. Usually anti-Obama, pro-Romney. (Not surprising, as most of the people I know live in Utah, most people in Utah are Mormons, and most Mormons are republican. So, with Romney being both republican AND Mormon, he might as well be a saint, right?)
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the occasional political thought expressed over facebook. And I don't mind at all when people post something political but are very open to other ideas or really just want people to get along. It is the hateful, pointless, flimsy, holier-than-thou arguing that gets on my nerves the most.
So I'm going to post my hateful, pointless, flimsy, holier-than-thou argument on my blog instead of on facebook!
1. I love Obama. I think he is dignified and carries himself well. I'm not stupid. I know this isn't the only thing that makes a president a good president. But it makes it a helluva lot less embarrassing than when Bush would go on foreign trips and meet ambassadors and presidents of other countries. And hey, if the Norweigiens like him, so do I.
2. Despite popular belief, Obama is NOT socialist. With that said, I don't really see what is so bad about socialism. Would living in Canada really be that bad? Or Norway? Denmark? Sweden? Finland? We're not talking about China or North Korea here. We're talking about some of the most advanced, forward-thinking countries in the world. Did you know that in Norway (and I'm sure other Scandanavian/European countries) it is FREE to attend university? It is FREE to get health care? I'm not sure why people would argue this, unless they have some ridiculous concept that there are some lazy bastards who don't deserve health care because they didn't work for it. They are just living off food stamps and taking advantage of the system and us taxpayers are paying for it. OUR hardwork is going to waste on the lazy, stupid single mothers and scared kids kicked out of the house. It is this individualistic, prideful and selfish side of republicans (at least the republicans that post on my facebook wall) that I can't stand. You aren't better than anyone else, including that single mother using those food stamps or anyone else. Yeah, sure, I'm sure there are people who abuse the system. But does that mean you have to assume everyone does? This concept of "Well I had nothing, but then I worked hard and so I deserve health care and those who didn't pull themselves up by their bootstraps don't." is so maddening to me. Chances are you got lucky. Chances are you weren't born into poverty. REAL poverty. Chances are you probably are white and middle class. So get over yourself. Whatever happened to equity? Isn't that something that is supposed to be an American hallmark?
3. I find it ironic that many of the most hateful crap that I hear usually comes from Christians. If you really believe in the teachings of Christ, why is it that you can't apply charity, empathy, tolerance and love to anyone that is different than you? Gay rights? No, they should burn in hell. Health care to all, not just to those that can afford it? Why? The poor don't deserve it. They wouldn't be poor if they just worked harder. Trying to halt human impact on global warming? Who cares? EVEN THOUGH we believe God created everything, it is at our disposal, so he'll just take care of us and who gives a shit about any other creature on Earth except us? (cough. this one has annoyed me for a very long time.)
4. And going off of that last point-I have plenty of family and friends who are Mormon. So this isn't a Mormon-bashing session. But honestly, if you are voting for a candidate for the sole reason that you share a religion, that isn't a very good reason. And really, I don't think Mitt Romney really represents Mormons very well. For one thing, I think he is excessive, gluttonous and prideful. No one, and I mean NO ONE should need a 10,000 sq. ft house with a car elevator in the garage. That is so extravagant and stupid it sort of makes me sick. And that leads me to my next point!
5. I don't think Mitt Romney has a true grip on what life is like for the average American. Because the average american does NOT make that much money. I'm not saying Obama is poor. But I think he is a little more aware and socially-fluent than Romney. Okay. That is my rant. I obviously am going to vote for Obama. I hate all the bashing. I hate Fox news. I hate any news that's sole purpose is to rile people up, for either side. I hate all of the hate. Just shut up and be reasonable. It isn't the end of the world, America isn't going to collapse under Obama, America isn't going to become Orwell's 1984. Just calma llama down. I think I'm going to start posting subtle things on Facebook. Things like "Man, I wish school was just free." or "Just one little check up at the doctor and I get billed a ridiculous amount. Grr!" or "I just wish everyone had equal opportunity to enjoy basic comforts like adequate medicine, education, decent paying job as I do." or "Wouldn't it be nice if we actually took care of the land we have left?" or "It must've been really hard for my ancestors to have to adapt to immigrating to a new land and have to face all the racism" or "Ugh, why do people think it's their business what my love life is like?" and see what people have to say. Chances are my republican friends will 'like' it or something. And not even realize that I'm talking about pell grants, Universal Health Care, National Park protection, Obama's immigration policy, and gay marriage.
I honestly believe the Republicans probably do have some good ideas and points. But the rational, reasonable side now is being drowned out by the hateful, obama-is-a-nazi, tea-party idiots. And for that I kinda feel bad for the Republicans. At least the sane ones.
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the occasional political thought expressed over facebook. And I don't mind at all when people post something political but are very open to other ideas or really just want people to get along. It is the hateful, pointless, flimsy, holier-than-thou arguing that gets on my nerves the most.
So I'm going to post my hateful, pointless, flimsy, holier-than-thou argument on my blog instead of on facebook!
1. I love Obama. I think he is dignified and carries himself well. I'm not stupid. I know this isn't the only thing that makes a president a good president. But it makes it a helluva lot less embarrassing than when Bush would go on foreign trips and meet ambassadors and presidents of other countries. And hey, if the Norweigiens like him, so do I.
2. Despite popular belief, Obama is NOT socialist. With that said, I don't really see what is so bad about socialism. Would living in Canada really be that bad? Or Norway? Denmark? Sweden? Finland? We're not talking about China or North Korea here. We're talking about some of the most advanced, forward-thinking countries in the world. Did you know that in Norway (and I'm sure other Scandanavian/European countries) it is FREE to attend university? It is FREE to get health care? I'm not sure why people would argue this, unless they have some ridiculous concept that there are some lazy bastards who don't deserve health care because they didn't work for it. They are just living off food stamps and taking advantage of the system and us taxpayers are paying for it. OUR hardwork is going to waste on the lazy, stupid single mothers and scared kids kicked out of the house. It is this individualistic, prideful and selfish side of republicans (at least the republicans that post on my facebook wall) that I can't stand. You aren't better than anyone else, including that single mother using those food stamps or anyone else. Yeah, sure, I'm sure there are people who abuse the system. But does that mean you have to assume everyone does? This concept of "Well I had nothing, but then I worked hard and so I deserve health care and those who didn't pull themselves up by their bootstraps don't." is so maddening to me. Chances are you got lucky. Chances are you weren't born into poverty. REAL poverty. Chances are you probably are white and middle class. So get over yourself. Whatever happened to equity? Isn't that something that is supposed to be an American hallmark?
3. I find it ironic that many of the most hateful crap that I hear usually comes from Christians. If you really believe in the teachings of Christ, why is it that you can't apply charity, empathy, tolerance and love to anyone that is different than you? Gay rights? No, they should burn in hell. Health care to all, not just to those that can afford it? Why? The poor don't deserve it. They wouldn't be poor if they just worked harder. Trying to halt human impact on global warming? Who cares? EVEN THOUGH we believe God created everything, it is at our disposal, so he'll just take care of us and who gives a shit about any other creature on Earth except us? (cough. this one has annoyed me for a very long time.)
4. And going off of that last point-I have plenty of family and friends who are Mormon. So this isn't a Mormon-bashing session. But honestly, if you are voting for a candidate for the sole reason that you share a religion, that isn't a very good reason. And really, I don't think Mitt Romney really represents Mormons very well. For one thing, I think he is excessive, gluttonous and prideful. No one, and I mean NO ONE should need a 10,000 sq. ft house with a car elevator in the garage. That is so extravagant and stupid it sort of makes me sick. And that leads me to my next point!
5. I don't think Mitt Romney has a true grip on what life is like for the average American. Because the average american does NOT make that much money. I'm not saying Obama is poor. But I think he is a little more aware and socially-fluent than Romney. Okay. That is my rant. I obviously am going to vote for Obama. I hate all the bashing. I hate Fox news. I hate any news that's sole purpose is to rile people up, for either side. I hate all of the hate. Just shut up and be reasonable. It isn't the end of the world, America isn't going to collapse under Obama, America isn't going to become Orwell's 1984. Just calma llama down. I think I'm going to start posting subtle things on Facebook. Things like "Man, I wish school was just free." or "Just one little check up at the doctor and I get billed a ridiculous amount. Grr!" or "I just wish everyone had equal opportunity to enjoy basic comforts like adequate medicine, education, decent paying job as I do." or "Wouldn't it be nice if we actually took care of the land we have left?" or "It must've been really hard for my ancestors to have to adapt to immigrating to a new land and have to face all the racism" or "Ugh, why do people think it's their business what my love life is like?" and see what people have to say. Chances are my republican friends will 'like' it or something. And not even realize that I'm talking about pell grants, Universal Health Care, National Park protection, Obama's immigration policy, and gay marriage.
I honestly believe the Republicans probably do have some good ideas and points. But the rational, reasonable side now is being drowned out by the hateful, obama-is-a-nazi, tea-party idiots. And for that I kinda feel bad for the Republicans. At least the sane ones.
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