Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Sick

I can't tell if I'm sick because I don't feel well physically or if I feel sick because I don't feel well emotionally.

Upcoming Movies 2012

There are a lot of really great movies coming out this year and because I'm excited for them, I'm going to post the movies I am looking forward to most. The Avengers: May 4
Dark Shadows: May 11
Brave: June 22
The Amazing Spiderman: July 3
The Dark Knight Rises: July 20
Skyfall: November 9
The Hobbit: December 14

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Finals

Are finally done!!! Now a couple weeks before summer semester. But at least all of my classes are online! (unless I didn't pass my Stats class. Cross your fingers!)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Voldemort Returns

Negative evil fermenting downward spiral of thoughts have officially returned.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Goals Revisit: April

I skipped a Goals update for March, but so far I have posted for January and February.

1. Exercise more!
We all know this one. I think the 1/2 marathon is off. I think it would be more rewarding to run a half marathon that I actually seriously trained for.

2. Eat better!
I want to pack my lunches. Eating out so much isn't helping with this goal.

3. Cook!
Not much progess here. For one thing the only meal that I would be home in order to cook is dinner. And by the time I get home I usually don't care enough. I hope this summer that can change.

4. Spend less!
Well. This is mixed. At one point I had 64 cents in my checking account. But I also feel that the things that I had bought that put me in that situation were out-of-the-ordinary purchases and may be excused. Other than a shopping spree at Target this past week, I am doing okay. Gas is the main killer of this goal.

5. Sew/Crochet!
I haven't done much of this since the last update.

6. Clean & Organize!
Did a huge clean out not long ago. Still feeling good about it. Maybe I should move on to the guest and sewing rooms when finals are over.

7. Treehouse!
I swear one of these weekends I'll get out there.

8. Garden!
Haven't done much for this, BUT for Easter I got radish and pea seeds. Perfect spring gift.

9. Reading!
FINALLY. A goal I have actually had progress on! I have now officially read The Hunger Games! I finished today and I have to say, I really like them. Now I want to see the movie. (Sorry Kiki about not being able to. I'm missing a movie/game night. Finals are killing me, but after would you be interested?)

10. Logic puzzles! I haven't made any, but I recently finished a bunch. Sooo, that counts for something, right?

11. Document Life!
More progress! I made that video for my little trip to Moab. It was a lot of fun. I want to make more.

12. Communication!
I think I'm getting better. Not sure. I think things are easier for me, at least.


So. This pretty much confirms my feelings of being lame. But everything will get easier after finals are over, I hope.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Wake Up Call

My best friend from high school is getting married and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. In January or sometime around then we went to get the bridesmaid dress fitted. It was perfect! It was a tiny bit tight but seeing as I had planned to run the half marathon I had thought that if anything I would lose weight and we would have to alter it a little bit down. I haven't really done great on running, and in fact don't really plan on running the entire race. Well, today I finally got it back and tried it on for fun.

Surprise, surprise. It doesn't fit.

I feel awful. My emotions are feelings of being pathetic and fat and stupid and ugly. These are all reactionary and snowballing emotions and I know that my self-worth is NOT dependent on my weight.

However I still struggle. I think part of what is hard to handle is that I knew I had gained some weight but I hadn't realized I had gained so much. I guess part of what hurts is that I knew I had gained weight, but because I don't really weigh myself on a regular basis I didn't have a sense of just how much. I feel like if I had just decided to get on a scale, I would have been sad and surprised by the increase, but I would have known that by stepping on the scale I was taking a risk of finding out something I didn't want to. Being completely surprised by it made it harder.