PT Update #2

Full blood panel results came back. Everything is normal.

I want to cry.

Velcro

Our sweet little kitty. I miss you already, Velcro.

 

Bloomington

Feeling emotionally and physically exhausted.

Truth

It is hard to accept that love can not, in fact, solve everything.

Wake Up Call

My best friend from high school is getting married and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. In January or sometime around then we went to get the bridesmaid dress fitted. It was perfect! It was a tiny bit tight but seeing as I had planned to run the half marathon I had thought that if anything I would lose weight and we would have to alter it a little bit down. I haven't really done great on running, and in fact don't really plan on running the entire race. Well, today I finally got it back and tried it on for fun.

Surprise, surprise. It doesn't fit.

I feel awful. My emotions are feelings of being pathetic and fat and stupid and ugly. These are all reactionary and snowballing emotions and I know that my self-worth is NOT dependent on my weight.

However I still struggle. I think part of what is hard to handle is that I knew I had gained some weight but I hadn't realized I had gained so much. I guess part of what hurts is that I knew I had gained weight, but because I don't really weigh myself on a regular basis I didn't have a sense of just how much. I feel like if I had just decided to get on a scale, I would have been sad and surprised by the increase, but I would have known that by stepping on the scale I was taking a risk of finding out something I didn't want to. Being completely surprised by it made it harder.